MANIC......

been manic today. i hate being bipolar and having a bad day. i get weepy. i hate that. can't concentrate. thinking is like looking through muddy water. the brain just doesn't work the way i need it to. i've been to town twice, wooden doors and both times have not accomplished what i've set out to do.
i hate bein bipolar. it's hard when the mind won't cooperate, and you KNOW it's not working right but there's nothing you can do about it. it's very difficult to function in a normal capacity. therefore i cry. i've tried to get out and function, and i guess considering what little i've done, it's gone alright. I managed to pick up my meds, go to the bank & get my taxes filled out. that's saying a lot when my brain is gone on vacation.
billy keeps talking marriage and i keep putting him off. yes i've got cold feet. don't know what to do about that either.
someone asked me todaay if i miss ronnie. of course i do. i spent 18 yrs with him. how can i not miss him? I wish he'd call and want to come back, but that's never going to happen. he's moved on with sharon. *sigh* all i can do is try to do my best with life as it is now.
well, thats about all for now. have slowed down on the cigs. may be able to quit afterall. TTFN folks.