IT'S A LAZY MORNIN'.....
i haven't done anything today yet, other than get dressed and go buy some cigarettes just down the road. yea i smoke. i didn't 8 months ago. now i do. arghh. now i can't put them down. started when ron and i split up. now wish i hadn't picked security doors them up again.
billy's coming home early to go to the eye doctor today. he's gotta have some glasses before getting his license renewed. saturday's his b'day. he'll be 48. march is mine. i'll be 47. can't believe i'm knocking on the door of 50 so soon. i remember wishing to be 16, then 18, then 20. I still wish that. lol. only i'm looking back at it instead of forward. lol.
am trying to figure out how to tell billy i need some space & time to think things through. don't wanna do it on his b'day, but have gotta pick a time to say something about how i'm feeling. i have a counseling appointment in the morning. maybe she'll shed some light on the subject.
i may try to ride this afternoon sometime to get away for a while. need an escape of some kind. wish i could just run away and hide from this mess i've gotten myself into. j
I told the race horse guy...jerry...that i wouldn't be there this morning, that i won't work his yearlings while they're in the barn. it's just too dangerous for me. if they rear up or kick there's nowhere for me to go. he tried to change my mind, but i'm adamant about my safety. i'd rather he bring them here for training, but he won't do that. and i'm not too keen on driving 30 min. every day to his place either. so guess that situation is a wash. *sigh* mama told me when in doubt don't. so i'm not.
well that's it for now. take care. chow for now all. ...........................
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